We've all heard of the popular comic strip called Spy vs. Spy. Well, I'm introducing a little something I like to call Guy vs. Guy. Each week, me and a couple of my buddies get together and play video games. These competitions are usually accompanied by lots of trash talking, lost tempers, and claims of improper game design.
I thought I would begin a documentation of these titanic conflicts and their results. But first, let's meet the players....

Shane (me) - A long-time gamer, Shane cut his teeth on classics like Combat and Asteroids. Known for his ability to quickly pick up the controls and dominate a game, Shane is also known to be the only person to ever read the rules. Doesn't like to lose, and a loss will often see him retire outside for a cigarette (muttering all the way about how he'll never play that game again).

Cliff - A casual gamer and fan of older sports classics like Tecmo Bowl and RBI Baseball. Being somewhat color-blind, this can present him with an occassional disadvantage. A classic redhead, he is often prone to curse-laden tirades about poor game design and his own inability to compete at video games. Still, a game competitor who seemed to excel at Madden Football.

Randy - A hardcore gamer who owns the Xbox 360 which we compete on. He is constantly trying new games, and isn't afraid to experiment. Rarely loses his cool, even in the face of crushing defeat. Will keep coming back again and again until he masters a game. Often struggle at a new game, but has shown the ability to quickly turn things around through practice. Keeps getting better as time goes on. Shows no mercy and has been known to gleefully destroy small children at various video games.


The following games took place on Sunday, July 17th:

1- MLB 2K6 (Xbox 360) - Chicago Cubs (Randy) vs. Seattle Mariners (Shane)

Ichiro started off the game with a triple, then scored on the next at-bat after a wild pitch. But after that, it was all downhill for the Mariners. The batters had trouble finding their rhythm, and the Mariners pitchers seemed cursed (giving up two homeruns to Carlos Lee). In the end, frustration began to set in, and the Mariners pitching staff began intentionally hitting opposing batters. A bench-clearing brawl almost erupted, but the game mercifully ended before that could occur.

Final Score - Cubs 9 Mariners 2 (Randy wins)

Overall Wins - Randy 1 Shane 0 Cliff 0

2- MLB 2K6 (Xbox 360) - Chicago Cubs (Randy) vs. Boston Red Sox (Cliff)

The Sox jumped out to a quick lead after a 2 run homer by David Ortiz. The Cubs, however, came right back in their first at-bat and broke the game wide open (with the score quickly jumping to 6-2 in favor of the Cubs). In the bottom of the 2nd, a wild pitch brought the score to 7-2, then the Cubbies drove in another and it was 8-2.
Soon, the Cubs had an overwhelming 11-2 lead, and it looked as though the Sox might concede the game and leave the field. They returned, however, and quickly surrendered even more runs, bringing the score to 15-2. At this point, the Sox left the field in disgust, and the game was called off in the 3rd inning.

Final Score- Cubs 15 Red Sox 2 (Randy wins)

Overall Wins- Randy 2 Shane 0 Cliff 0

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Here's another series of games which took place on July 17th (after the horrible losses at baseball, Cliff and I refused to take on a vastly-improved Randy. We then went to the local game store and picked up Rock Star's Table Tennis.) Each of these was a Best of Three Series (winner is first to 11, and you must win by at least 2 points).

Match 1- Jesper (Randy) vs. Liu Ping (Cliff)
(1) 11 to 9 Jesper wins
(2) 11 to 8 Liu Ping wins
(3) 11 to 4 Liu Ping wins
Liu Ping wins 2 game to 1

Overall Wins: Randy 2 Shane 0 Cliff 1

Match 2 - Liu Ping (Cliff) vs. Luc (Shane)
Liu Ping wins 2 game to 0 (don't remember scores)

Overall wins: Randy 2 Shane 0 Cliff 2

Match 3- Jesper (Shane) vs. Liu Ping (Randy)
Jesper wins 2 games to 0

Overall wins: Randy 2 Shane 1 Cliff 2

Match 4- Haley (Randy) vs. Luc (Cliff)
Haley wins 2 games to 1

Overall wins: Randy 3 Shane 1 Cliff 2


We played 17 more games of table tennis, but I won't bore you with all the details. I came back and did much better, Cliff continued to play well, and Randy really got better as time went on. Of the remaining 17 games, I won 11, while Randy won 5, and Cliff got 1.

Quote of the night: Shane: "I'm Liu Ping"
Randy: "And I'm los-ing."

Overall wins: Randy 8 Shane 12 Cliff 3

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I heard our XBox sessions are being aired publicly.

I guess it's not enough to lose 90% of the time. Now I can look forward to the humiliation of these being posted on a public forum. If that's the way it's gonna be, then so be it. But I must be allowed to make a few points.

1. Video game control pads are out of control. You have to manipulate the things eight different ways to get it to perform basic functions like a bunt...which I still haven't learned how to do, I might add.

I enjoyed video games fifteen or twenty years ago. Now, the pads have two different thumbsticks, a direction pad, four buttons, two triggers and two "bumpers". That's out of control, man! Somebody needs to rein that stuff in.

2. The baseball game is particularly annoying. It is supposed to be a simulation of Major League Baseball. It has all of the players, all of the teams. It has the major league stadiums and the ESPN announcers.

But it does not simulate the major league game. More often than not, if you approach a wall with your fielder, the players run into the damned thing. Wild pitches come one after another. It plays more like a peewee league game than the majors.

That game's particularly galling, because I played baseball for twelve years as a kid. I lettered in baseball, and was a baseball umpire for three years. So I consider myself a baseball player, for what good it does me.

In other words, I hate that game.

I can stand losing at ping pong, because that's not exactly my forte.

3. And finally, these Sunday night affairs began with us sitting around the kitchen table playing boardgames and roleplaying games. Those are hobbies of mine. Video games are not.

I am on record saying that I find video games "repetitive and pointless", so the fact I lose at them all the time should be no surprise.

If I have to be subjected to a public pants-ing, then I at least demand the right to defend myself.

I haven't read all the threads on the site. Has it been mentioned that Randy beat a six-year old little girl at Fight Night 3?

By the way, Randy...cool looking site...good work, Colin.